Interview

Today i have a job interview with a mortgage company in Voorhees. The office is less than a mile away from the Ritz Movie Theaters (where The Sanctuary meets every Sunday) and less than a mile away from the Voorhees Twp. Municipal offices.

I've been praying for a job for over seven months now. Since October, I've been praying not for a specific job, but for a specific location. Because one of my functions to is maintain relationships with different people in the township, I want to be local to Voorhees.

Any job I take can be likened to Paul making tents. It paid the bills, but was certainly not his passion. I'm sure he made fantastic tents, just like I'll be a fantastic administrative assistant.

So, please pray. Pray for God's will...for the door that He wants to open to be opened. For His favor. For me not to tell the interviewer that I was a disappointment to a previous employer. 'll never allow myself to live that one down!!!!!

Uncharted territory

I am blessed, humbled, excited beyond comprehension right now. I've never been in this place before...this is uncharted territory for me, which is alright with me.

Tonight we had our monthly leadership meeting...we call them leadership roundtables. We caught the path that God wants our church to walk. I know I've said this before, and I know that I'll say it again and again, but The Sanctuary is what I always dreamed church could be but never thought it would be.

As Colleen and I were driving home, I realized something. When I am with the men and women of my church, I am more of who I am than when I'm not with them. Please hear my heart on this one. It's not a co-dependent kind of thing. It is an iron sharpening iron deal. Whenever I am around these wonderful people, I feel God challenging me to be more of who I am, and everything within me responds. I don't try for the reaction. It just happens. It just is.

I cannot wait for the Ladies retreat this weekend. I really love the women of my church. I love them because they've taught me how to be more of a woman and how not to fear women.

For the record, that's the third fear conquered in a week: hospitals, women and cancer. (I'm still not going to unlearn my fear of roller coasters. I like that one!)

Favour

Today I had a great meeting with one of my contacts with the Township of Voorhees. For the record, when she retires, I want her job!

I marvel at God and how He has poured out so much favor on this ministry. The township is having a picnic in June, and this woman insisted that we take part, so I told her yes. She is planning a good spot for us--a place where we'll have maximum exposure to the 2500 or so people who will be in attendance. We can put out "some brochures" or whatever we want. Apparently God is making an impact in one of the most affluent, one of the most Jewish townships in Southern NJ. Most townships hide the churches in the back of the picnics, afraid of the cheese that may occur. We're being put in a prominent spot.

The families who received the Christmas presents from us where positively overwhelmed by the generosity of The Sanctuary. I read the notes and attempted not to get too emotional. I never want to do what I do for the smiles of the people. I want to do what I do for the smile of God. God changed the lives of a few people who not in good circumstances right now. For His birthday. That must have made Him smile. I know I love to give presents and watch people open them. Imagine the look on God's face when He watched the parents smile as their children opened presents on Christmas. That is what makes me want to cry tears of joy.

The moral of the story is this. Today, I consciously focused my attention on God and what He wants. Yesterday I was a bundle of nerves focusing on me. Today, I was blessed by God as He showed me what an impact we can have on His people. I hope and pray that tomorrow I wake up and think first of Him.

Christmas presents

I remember my first mission trip to Arizona. It was emotionally and physically the most difficult trip to date, of all of my trips. Somehow my zeal for missions was exponentially increased. Definitely a "God thing."

One day, during a devotional time, God gave me a scripture that I immediately internalized. "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me." Matthew 10:37-38. I recall where I was sitting, the smell of the air, the color of the sky, tinged with the rays of the setting sun. In my heart, at that moment, I vowed to take up my cross and follow my Savior at any cost. For me, it is and always has been a no-brainer.

Other scriptures elude me, regardless of how I try to embody them. I've always related to Martha more than Mary. Generally--at home, at work, at church, I'm the one running around, cleaning up dishes, cooking dinner, setting things up, tearing things down, making sure everything is running smoothly for the feast. I've read, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30. I've tried to put Jesus' yoke on. I've recited this scripture countless times. I've begged God for His yoke. I've cried bitter tears, wondering why God would forsake me and not allow me rest.

This Christmas, God gave me a gift--actually many gifts--for which I have been asking. Looking at the past few months, I've actually had the gifts and have been walking in them. I spent much of Christmas day with the Jacksons. I had the opportunity to talk trash on my pastor as my team beat his at "Deal or No Deal." I was heckled by him as my Cowboys were crushed by his Eagles. I really enjoyed my Christmas--no stress, no weirdness, no aggravation. As I was driving home down Rt. 70, I heard Matthew 11:28-30. And I realized that I now have Jesus yoke. My soul is truly at rest.

When you are where God has called you to be, doing what He has created you to do, your soul can rest. It is the natural effect of walking in His will. For the first time in my life, I am not looking for the next opportunity to jet off to another place in the world. I am satisfied in NJ because I know that this is where God wants me. He hand-picked The Sanctuary, Pastor John, Voorhees Township to be in my life for such a time as this. Yes, my family life is chaotic at best. Yes, I need a less temporary job. But, even in those tings I find favor in my Savior's sight. Because I am where God has called me to be, doing what He's called me to do.

New plan of attack

I've come up with a plan for survival today. I'm going to look at the women with whom I work as if they were on the Island of Misfit Toys ala Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. I work with a bunch of Charlie in the Boxes. They all have character and personality, but they are broken people. Just like me.

I have to remember that different personalities compensate in different ways for their brokenness. I also have to remember that, in the creative world, there is a lot of ego and pride.

And I have to remember that it is ok for me not to be good at everything. I can't do everything. There are some things I can't do. And it's ok. This mini-therapy session brought to you, for free, by the struggle for perfection that occurs constantly in my head.

Blessed, broken and given. That is my life in a nutshell. Thanks for the reminder :-)

Day two...

Well, I survived day two. Not without tears. But I survived.

We had a surprise visitor today. Pastor John came to visit. What a great surprise.

I'm not really cut out for salon life. I cannot and will not make any more off-the-cuff references about business school. In a former life, I was really good at the minute details of a business. In a former life, I enjoyed the minutia. But now...not so much.

The highlight of my day, aside from talking with my pastor and the Methodist pastor in Hammonton, was talking to a man who was drinking a beer "covertly" out of a brown paper bag. And talking to random people this morning at the train station who just needed to talk. That is the stuff I was made to do.

Ironically, that is what, at one time, was my nightmare. I hated having to talk to people.

The lesson that I'm learning is that I cannot define myself by the "I am's" that I have used for so long. I have a grasp on who I was. Learning who I am, who I am becoming, well that is a daily adventure. I'm really enjoying it.

Ouch

Yesterday, after church, we were talking with Pastor John and Beth.

All of a sudden, we found ourselves talking about blogs. I mentioned that I had written that I want to be anywhere but NJ. Some more comments were made, and then Pastor John looked away and said, "You see. Deneen lives here, but she lives elsewhere." If that is not the exact quote, it's what I heard.

Ouch.

More conversation was had. A day was lived. But that comment stuck with me. Not in a bad way. But more in a this is something on which I have to work kind of way.

I've spent 31 years wishing I was somewhere else. To quote George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life, "The three best sounds in the world are a plane engine, a train whistle and the sound of an anchor pulling up." I love to travel, even if it means getting on a PATCO train to go into Philadelphia.

However, I have to learn to abide where I am. I've never known so clearly that God has placed me here for such a time as this. The things that I see Him doing in my life right now, His constant presence, His words of encouragement, correction. He's placed me in a church where I am held accountable. Not the kind of accountability that makes me hide who I am. The kind of accountability that allows me to be who I am. He's given me something for which I have been asking for a long time.

One day we were singing "To the Ends of the Earth" by Hillsong United. The worship leader asked the congregation, "Would you go to the ends of the earth for God? What if the ends of the earth, for you, is NJ." I remember crying bitterly. However, those words have stuck deep within my heart. I've been crying out for years, "Here I am, lord. Send me." It seems that He's saying, "Deneen, I already have."'

Ouch.

So, my lesson for this week, month, 2007 seems to be learning to abide right here, where I am, in NJ.