Oh when the Saints, go marching in

Oh when the saints, oh when the saints, oh when the saints come marching in....oh i want to be in the numbers, when the saints come marching in! As far as I'm concerned, Deuce McAllister deserves a raise. He's my new hero...seriously.

At least, after tomorrow, I won't have to hear about the Eagles for a couple of months...HALLELUJAH.

So, today I went to visit a friend in the hospital. She has pneumonia...and it's pretty bad. She loves God with her whole heart and her whole being, but she is one of those people that confound me. I fully, 100% believe that God is a God who heals. But I also believe that He's given man wisdom. So, when I have bronchitis, or anything else for that matter, I believe that He will heal me...whether it is miraculous or via medicine.

Back to my friend. She's in the hospital because she's allowed herself to get so run down that one of her lungs was completely overtaken with pneumonia. Now she can hold a conversation for only a few minutes without shortness of breath. She has a few other issues going on as well. She's been believing that God would heal her. It landed her in the hospital. Yes, we have to have faith. But shall we exercise faith without the wisdom that God has given us? Is that not foolishness?

The bad news is that she's going to be in the hospital for at least the next few days...and will likely end up back in the hospital if she doesn't take care of herself. The good news is that I've lost my fear of hospitals this week. Two visits to the hospital, a potential third tomorrow, and I'm not breaking out in a cold sweat.

The best news: NO MORE EAGLES IN THE PLAYOFFS. NO MORE E-A-G-L-E-S CHANTS.

Favour

Today I had a great meeting with one of my contacts with the Township of Voorhees. For the record, when she retires, I want her job!

I marvel at God and how He has poured out so much favor on this ministry. The township is having a picnic in June, and this woman insisted that we take part, so I told her yes. She is planning a good spot for us--a place where we'll have maximum exposure to the 2500 or so people who will be in attendance. We can put out "some brochures" or whatever we want. Apparently God is making an impact in one of the most affluent, one of the most Jewish townships in Southern NJ. Most townships hide the churches in the back of the picnics, afraid of the cheese that may occur. We're being put in a prominent spot.

The families who received the Christmas presents from us where positively overwhelmed by the generosity of The Sanctuary. I read the notes and attempted not to get too emotional. I never want to do what I do for the smiles of the people. I want to do what I do for the smile of God. God changed the lives of a few people who not in good circumstances right now. For His birthday. That must have made Him smile. I know I love to give presents and watch people open them. Imagine the look on God's face when He watched the parents smile as their children opened presents on Christmas. That is what makes me want to cry tears of joy.

The moral of the story is this. Today, I consciously focused my attention on God and what He wants. Yesterday I was a bundle of nerves focusing on me. Today, I was blessed by God as He showed me what an impact we can have on His people. I hope and pray that tomorrow I wake up and think first of Him.

October

I am suffering from acute ADD today, this week. I don't know whether it is the allergies/cold, or the weather, or just life in general. Something about this week is not allowing me to concentrate. OK, I'll stop blameshifting the responsibility. However, I do think that a little backstory wouldn't hurt here.

Back in the mid-nineties, my friends and I had this obsession with ouija boards and tarot cards and psychics. I knew that it was not something in which I should have been dabbling, but I tried anyway. I had a psychic give me completely a wrong reading. When I called her on it, she was not a little unhappy with me. Another time, my friends and I were playing with a ouija board and the board told my friends that it would not talk to me because God was too close to me. No lie. I got mad because, at the time, I just wanted to hear something and I even got denied by a stupid ouija board.

It was in October that I decided to stop playing around with my life and give it up for God. The second time. Not the time for good. Anyway. We have a friend who was stayed with us for a night because he had no place to sleep. He stayed with us on Mischief Night 1996 if I recall properly. He is a really cool guy--a real free spirit, a gift of worship, all over a neat fellow. I let him have my room and I spent the night on the couch. He woke up to take his kids to school because someone had slashed the tires of the woman who was caring for his kids for the night. I was in a miserable mood when he left, so as soon as our front door closed, I was asleep in my bed. A little while later, I awoke to the smell of bacon and waffles, and the sound of the guitar playing in my living room. I was starving, so I got up. I was barely in the living room when the conviction of the Lord came upon me and I knew that it was time to stop playing around with the occult and walk forward into what God had for me. I walked full on for God, looking to please pastors and friends and man in general for two years. I attended two churches in that time, and saw God do some really amazing things--heal cancer, straighten backs, even uneven legs. One day I got my feelings hurt and made up some lame excuse as to why I couldn't go to church anymore.

I walked away from everything about God for six months, beginning in October of 1998. It was probably the darkest period of my life, because I knew that God had something amazing for me, that He'd called me into ministry, to do amazing things for Him. I wrestled with wanting the things of the world more: men, money, acclaim, respect. I went on a six month drinking binge. I still cannot believe that I was so irresponsible, but I thank God for that time because I've seen Him use it over and over again. My binge ended on February 6, 1999 when I nearly crashed into a median on Rt. 295 going way too fast on a rainy, puddly day. I returned to church on February 7, 1999 and the rest, as they say, is history.

October is traditionally a difficult month spiritually, physically, emotionally for me. I find myself, like Paul, wanting to do the things that I don't want to do and not doing the things that I want to do. I find myself questioning God, the things of God. I find myself wondering what the heck I am doing.

This year God is redeeming October. I've seen God move in amazing ways. I've seen more favor of God this October than ever. I've fallen in love with my church, with my friends, with my God. Though I admit to joking incessantly about going to business school rather than to seminary, I've never been so sure of anything in my life. It is my mission, my desire, to allow God to redeem a lot more than October. I want to see God redeem 6 billion people.

Chasing lions

Tonight I did something uncharacteristic. I watched the news. I really detest watching the news because it breaks my heart. As I was sitting, nursing my cold and feeling cold and hot at the same time, I watched my heart melt and break at the same time.

Tonight's feature story was about a yet-unnamed kid who attended Deptford High School (merely a few miles from my house) who led police on a high speed chase, stopped on the Walt Whitman Bridge and jumped. I read a blog written by a girl that I know who sounds so sad, so desparate, so dejected that I began to cry. This is a talented girl. What attracted me to her the first time that we met is that she seemed so sure of her quirky, out of the box self. She was full of life, happy and bringing all kinds of people to the clubhouse for youth. Now she lives in a world where she is continually told what she is not, what she cannot do and she cannot see the forest for the trees. Then I saw a story about a group in Alexandria, VA who are helping disadvantaged kids by teaching them how to build boats and in the process, they are paying the kids, helping them to get their GED's and helping them to get their carpenter licenses. They are giving them fish AND teaching them to fish.

This leads to an ongoing frustration that I have. There is a generation of kids who are falling through the cracks, walking through the cracks, being pushed through the cracks. These kids have mentors--parents, coaches, teachers, pastors, family, friends who are watching them walk away from so many things and not saying a word. Or, worse off, they have a group of mentors who are pushing them into lives that are not their God-given lives to live. I admit, that I have a bit of survivor's guilt in this situation. I was in a situation where I could have stayed. If God had not pushed me out, I would have stayed forever. I could have stayed and helped to walk people through this. I could have stayed and remained silent, trying so hard to be something that I am not. I could have stayed and spoken up for those in the church who do not have voices. But I made the choice to walk. Walking was the best thing that I have done in my life thus far. Walking away led me to a wonderful place that I would not trade for all of the tea in China. I would have given my right arm to be here five years ago. But...it was not time. Now that I am here, I have a place to invite the hurting people in my life. There is a place in which I actually trust the hearts of my friend and family.

I know that it seems that I am continually walking around the same issue. I fear that I will continue to walk around this issue as long as I live. It's not something that I ever want to be too far removed from. I always want to remember from where I've come. I'm glad that I've not been healed without scars, because I always want to know that at one time I hurt, and that there are people hurting all over the world.

Here is my frustration. I am not going to list problems. I will list the solutions as well. The church, specifically in America, needs to rise up and be what God has created it to be. God has created the church to be a place where healing occurs; where dreams are conceived and birthed; where people enter one way and exit another way; where people are encouraged to be who God has created them to be; where people can discover the love the Jesus has for them. Church is not about numbers. Church is about people. Church is about ushering people into a saving relationship with Jesus Christ the Messiah. Why then is the church so busy building carbon copies of itself? I love my pastor to death, but I don't want to be him. I don't want his life. His life is the life that God has designed for him, not for me. He and his wife love each other very much; they have three amazing kids. But...I don't want that life. I want the life that God designed for me...the one He speaks of in Jeremiah 29:11. The awesome thing about my pastor is that he doesn't want me to have his life. He wants me to live out my life the way that God has designed it to be. I know that I've said this before, and you'll hear me say it again and again. The Sanctuary is the way that I always thought church could be but never knew it would be. I have a pastor who has a pastor's heart. Shocking, I know. But he really just wants all of us to grow so that we can all do this thing called life together. I don't have to fit in a mould. I don't know if a mould exists.

So, what am I doing to be a part of the solution of the crisis that is the church in America? For starters, Wednesday I'm participating in a Halloween parade to help a friend launch her salon. On Saturday, I'm packing a bunch of cookies into bags. On Sunday, I'm giving cookies to a bunch of people who want for nothing but need Something, Someone desparately. I'm going to go to seminary to align my opinions with the Word of God. I'm going to surround myself with people, via my church, sermons, teaching tapes who have big ideas, who are chasing lions and not hiding from them, so that I can become the mighty woman of God that I have been called to be. And most of all, I'm going to love people, even those who persecute me, especially those who persecute me.

Anyone care to join in the fight?

Wow

Yesterday was one of those days that I hope that I don't forget for a long time, if ever. Last week I was given something to oversee, something near and dear to my heart. It took a few days before I had the guts to actually make the phone calls that were required. From where did the fear rise up in my belly? I believe that the more accurate question is from whom did the fear rise. It's certainly not from God. It's not his desire that I shrink back in fear from the phone or from someone, a mere mortal, on the other end. I made the call to the Township of Voorhees my church's name touches the ear of the mayor, the township administrator, the deputy chief of police, and the director of economic development/director of park services, all within 24 hours. What is amazing about the whole thing is that they don't know us as a media-whore church. They see us as a church that simply wants to give cookies to kids. They see us as a church that wants to feed the police department to simply say thank you. What they see in us is simply Jesus. Profoundly Jesus. Perhaps they cannot put a name on it. Perhaps they cannot put a label on it. One day they shall.

The gospel is profoundly simple. It is we who complicate things by trying to look smart, to look dapper, to do the right thing. Jesus didn't walk around speaking 3 point sermons to the people who looked like they needed a good pat on the back. Jesus didn't seek out only the poor and destitute that could get his face on the news. Jesus didn't court people to help get his word out. Jesus went around being Jesus, touching those in his path that the Father wanted to touch, and somehow the word got out. Even when He told them to be quiet and tell noone. Proufound. Simple. Mind-blowing. Would I have the integrity to tell someone who was miraculously healed to be quiet, go and tell noone? I hope so. Can I guarantee it? No. I cannot not tell people how awesome God was to me yesterday. I want God's name to be famous throughout this land and the rest of the world. I want everyone who has been touched by God to stand up and shout it from the mountaintops. I want to see His kingdom come on earth as it is in Heaven.

For now, I'll be handing out cookies, next to the cider and hot chocolate guys, serving up sandwiched to the police department. I'll let God handle the rest.

Confession of a sports addict

Last night as I watched the Cardinals beat the Mets 4-2, I realized something. I love watching sports. For those who know me, this will not come as a shock. I love watching football, baseball, tennis, college basketball, soccer. There is just something engaging about watching sports. I thought for a long time that I liked watching the strategy...how you move players around the field, the court to create something out of a ball, a bunch of men and a field/court.

While I love the strategy, probably because I am very strategic myself, last night I came to a realization. I love watching sports because I love watching people do something that they love, something that makes their hearts beat wildly within their chests. That is why I love theater. That is why I love certain pastors--in person and on tv. I can't get enough of people who are passionate about their lives. I love watching mothers who actually love being mothers interact with their children. I love watching little boys on the little league field hitting the ball or catching the ball or throwing the ball or sitting the bench because they are doing something that makes them excited. On my nephew's team this fall is a boy whose mother wants him to play soccer. He begged and pleaded and bargained with her to either not have to play soccer or to do both. She allowed him to do both. He's been in the coach pitch league because of his age, and fall ball is kid pitch. So, two weeks ago, he had first hit in kid pitch. That kid walked taller than he has before, because he conquered something monumental in his eight-year-old life. That is what I love.

I know that there are going to be many, MANY valleys along the way of being a pastor, but I also know that there are going to be many, MANY Jeremy moments as well. I am not idealizing what it will be like to be a pastor, but I already love watching people realize their dreams. I can't wait until it is what I do for a living.