Lessons learned inside the belly of a fish

I'll be upfront and honest with you. I generally avoid the book of Jonah like the plague.

Until today, I only saw Jonah as a rebellious man. God calls him. He runs away. He gets thrown off a boat. Swallowed by a fish. Vomited out of the fish's mouth. Resentfully proclaims the word of the Lord. City gets saved. Jonah remains in a bad mood. The end.

Today, as I was researching faith in the Bible, I went to the book of Jonah. I know, I know. Hebrews 11. Hall of faith. Most of the New Testament. Faith. Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Faith. Jonah is about the last person that I consider when I consider a teaching on faith.

Stick with me for a moment. (Or, if you are already ahead of me, chill for a moment and let me catch up.) Jonah is a Hebrew. He is secure in who God is, and who his people are in God...they are God's chosen people. The people in Nineveh are Assyrians...a bad group of people. For fun, when they conquer a land, they skin people alive; they boil people in oil; they kill babies and kids in the most cruel, inhumane ways possible.

So, God tells Jonah, "You know the most evil, heinous people on the face of the earth? Go to them and proclaim the Good news." Jonah becomes infuriated and heads in the opposite direction, to Tarshish. I would have too. God's love for the Assyrians is so great that He causes a storm, gets Jonah thrown overboard, swallowed by a big fish and vomited onto the shore. Of Nineveh. God uses Jonah's mouth, despite his bitterness, to save a city.

You see, I don't think that Jonah's main problem is his bitterness or his rebellion. I think that his problem is that he knows that God is going to move. Jonah has seen God move, and knows God's compassion and love and grace. And God knows that Jonah knows that He will move.

Put yourself in Jonah's place. God has called you to a place where you know that He wants to move. But you are afraid of the people; they have repeatedly tortured you and your people throughout the years. They are building a nuclear bomb that they would like to use to level your cities, to bring destruction to your land. Now, imagine God asking you to leave your land to go to their land to proclaim the Good News. Would you be willing?

How about this scenario. Think of a person who has hurt you deeply. Or a group of people who have hurt you deeply. A group of people who absolutely terrify you. Think of them, their friends, their relatives, sitting at a table in your local Starbucks. These people do not know God, but you know that He wants to speak words of healing and reconciliation with Him into their lives. Do you walk up with your skim caramel macchiato and tell them of the wonders of God? Or do you hop in your SUV and hope for the best for them?

So, today I learned some valuable heart lessons inside the belly of a whale. Some faith lessons. I believe that some of us, myself included, know that God wants to move...I'm talking about people who know God, know His grace, know His love and compassion for His people. The problem with God is that He wants to move in people we don't like, who don't fit our agenda. So, we pack our bags, hop in our ship, and "pray" for those people.

Are you going to be a Jonah a serve God begrudgingly? Or are you going to serve the Lord with gladness and allow Him to move in others' lives and therefore move in your life?

Favour

Today I had a great meeting with one of my contacts with the Township of Voorhees. For the record, when she retires, I want her job!

I marvel at God and how He has poured out so much favor on this ministry. The township is having a picnic in June, and this woman insisted that we take part, so I told her yes. She is planning a good spot for us--a place where we'll have maximum exposure to the 2500 or so people who will be in attendance. We can put out "some brochures" or whatever we want. Apparently God is making an impact in one of the most affluent, one of the most Jewish townships in Southern NJ. Most townships hide the churches in the back of the picnics, afraid of the cheese that may occur. We're being put in a prominent spot.

The families who received the Christmas presents from us where positively overwhelmed by the generosity of The Sanctuary. I read the notes and attempted not to get too emotional. I never want to do what I do for the smiles of the people. I want to do what I do for the smile of God. God changed the lives of a few people who not in good circumstances right now. For His birthday. That must have made Him smile. I know I love to give presents and watch people open them. Imagine the look on God's face when He watched the parents smile as their children opened presents on Christmas. That is what makes me want to cry tears of joy.

The moral of the story is this. Today, I consciously focused my attention on God and what He wants. Yesterday I was a bundle of nerves focusing on me. Today, I was blessed by God as He showed me what an impact we can have on His people. I hope and pray that tomorrow I wake up and think first of Him.

Christmas

There are some days when I am utterly and totally amazed at what God does. And then there are days like today. Days when there are literally no words.

The Sanctuary is, by far, the most generous church that I've attended. We adopted two families this Christmas. God's not only supplied every request made, I'm fairly certain that their expectations have been exceeded!!! Tomorrow I have the opportunity to take the items, along with two beautiful women from my church, to the township. I am completely astonished by the generosity of this group of people. I can only imagine how overwhelmed the township will be. The families...I can't even fathom.

Today at lunch, a "chance" encounter occured. Colleen and I ran into old friends from our old church...my former pastor's sister and her family. It was awesome because there was no weirdness, no awkward pause. It just was. Movie tickets were offered...they will be coming to see The Nativity Story along with Jim and Dawn, her parents. I cannot wait. God has done so much healing in the past two months. I actually want them to come to the movie. Just because I want to see them, love them, hug them...it's amazing how sometimes I don't realize that I miss people until I see them. Weird, eh?

Christmas presents

Either I'm verbose, or the rest of you are just quiet.

That being said....

Today was very interesting. I was preparing my presentation (as on a table, not to the congregation) for our gift giving to the township. All of a sudden it hit me that there are people who will not have the money for Christmas. And we have the privelege of allowing families to have Christmas. God is so awesome.

In the past, I was part of Christmas in Camden. We got all dressed up in our Christmas sweaters and Santa hats and walked throughout the blocks in North Camden that we'd adopted, and we gave away presents to the kids and food to the adults. I absolutely loved every minute of those frigid days. I enjoyed wrapping the presents beforehand. I love to give, so that part of me was fulfilled.

What we are doing now is a bit more meaningful for me...for where I am now and for where I'm going. We are giving anonymously, and we are giving the families the autonomy to buy what they would like their children to have. We are giving them the power to choose whatever Christmas dinner means to them.

I've heard the saying over and over: give someone a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach someone to fish, and he'll eat for the rest of his life. I know that technically we're giving away fish. But, we're allowing these families to have dignity as well. Besides...is that whole fish thing in the Bible anyway? I can't seem to recall seeing it. If I'm wrong, I'm sure someone will let me know.

I'm not insulting what other people are doing. I just know that I would be mortified if someone showed up on my doorstep with a box of food and some gifts for my kids, no matter how desperately I needed the food.

Isn't it interesting how God works in different ways in different places, yet somehow meets the same needs? If you feed the poor...If you give clothing to the naked...If you give water to the thirsty...

A reminder of why I want to do what I want to do

God never ceases to astound me. Everytime I think I may understand what He is doing, He reminds me of how high His ways are above mine, and how high His thoughts are above mine. Seriously. He reminds me that my field of vision, compared to His, is like seeing a pin head and thinking I can see the entire planet and everything that is occuring on Earth.

I'm addicted to a few things in life. Two of them are blogging (duh) and myspace. I've been posting some really serious, honest blogs on myspace. I have to admit...many of them were baited and intended for people I know (read former churchmates) are hurting and distressed. My blogs were intended to show them that there is hope in God, and to chronicle a bit of the healing process.

This morning I woke up and check my email. I received the following message:

"i've just stumbled upon you...from andrea's page...& it was an amazing thing to do...the words of wisdom in your blogs were just what the doctor ordered! hope you're well...thank you...i needed a little reminder of what life is really all about! was feeling a little sad about the loss of a good friend, not something i could have controlled, nor is it something i should question, i know...that doesn't take the hurt away- but you made me think...& offer up a little prayer to thank God for all that really matters & to remember that i should be grateful that my husband & children and good friends are still here. so, thank you- my good friend...sending you big hugs & kisses...i really needed this tonite!"

This message is from a girl with whom I went to high school. We were not friends. I can't say that we were enemies, but we certainly didn't share a locker or a limo for prom. She was a cheerleader, and I was in the band. She was popular, and I was a tutor. You're getting the picture.

God has reminded me that as long as we do what we are doing for Him, that we will bear fruit. He has reminded me that His word will not return void.

Lord, thank you for reminding me of how great Thou art.

Paradigm shift

Sitting at the computer today, trying to write an essay for my application to seminary, I felt like a fraud. How do I know? Am I insane? What am I doing? Can I do this? Will it work this time? Blah, blah, blah. So, I plug in the mp3 player and go back to basics...songs that remind me of who God says I am rather than who I say I am or who others say I am. Then I pick up my Bible and look for a specific passage. Instead, I find Isaiah (pronounced in a British accent, of course) 55:5, 8-13.

5 Surely you will summon nations you know not, and nations that do not know you will hasten to you, because of the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, for he has endowed you with splendor.
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. 9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. 10 As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, 11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. 12 You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. 13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the LORD's renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed."

Suddenly, I'm not a fraud. I'm simply who God has called me to be, and I'm walking forward to accomplish the word that the Lord has spoken over my life. Who am I to question what He has asked me to do? Yes, it may seem crazy. Yes, it may seem counterintuitive. But, looking back, what have I done, what have I walked through for God, with God, that actually makes sense? Nothing that I can see with my eyes.

So, yeah. Here I sit, on the precipice of something magnificent, something of which I've dreamed sporadically, constantly for over a decade, perhaps three decades. I'm walking forward, jumping with no parachute. I'm depending on God to accomplish the word. After all, He is the One who said that His word will not return empty.

And I really do need some more stamps on my passport. My England stamps are kind of lonely.

Mission

How am I supposed to put into words the roller coaster that has been my day. From the highest of highs to the lowest of lows I have travelled. I want to desperately to be strong, to walk out what I have spoken today. But can it be done? Will I be strong or will I fall to pieces? Will I remember who I am, who I've become, or will I revert to trembling Much Afraid once again? Will I have the courage to be a beacon of hope, or will I lament walking in alone?

Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them. Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land--against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests and the people in the land. They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you, declares the Lord.
-Jeremiah 1:17-19

I guess I have my answer.

This is the reality of life with Christ. He puts me in very uncomfortable situations and tells me to depend on Him. Leaning on Him, on others, is not something that comes easily to me. I've not really had all that many people to lean on in the past. I've generally be the person on whom people lean. I have to admit, however, that learning to depend on people has been a fruitful process. Trust is a wonderful thing. I don't give it easily, but I find freedom once it's been given. And freedom is something that I am currently enjoying.

So, who am I, then, to even question my actions? Jesus came to set the captives free. If I am truly His ambassador, walking out the Great Commission, then how dare I even consider answering no when He has divinely appointed a moment, a meeting? I have asked Him to be the Lord of my life, and that means of all of my life, including my actions. I have told Him, "Lord, here am I. Send me."

So tomorrow, off I go. I am being sent. On a mission. Not with fear, but with confidence.

Giggle moment

I know that God takes us from glory to glory. I know that God can do ALL things. I know that God is the Creator of the heavens and the earth. I completely believe that God is omnipotent. Yet, when God shows me these qualities, I almost always have a Sarah moment. You know the moment. God tells Abraham that he will be the father of many nations. And Sarai laughs because she's just a few decades beyond child-bearing age. And then she finds herself pregnant with Isaac.

Here's my Sarah moment for the day. Tomorrow we are going to be giving out cookies at Halloween in the Park in Lion's Lake Park in Voorhees. It's an amazing opportunity to reach more people than we can even imagine. So, my mom and I met Pastor John and Matthew in the store today to pick up the 1200 cookies we are going to be giving out. Mom and I were there a bit early, so we picked up the cookies after chatting with the bakery ladies for a bit. Then we went off to find some baggies, and in that aisle, we talked with a Genuardi's worker. We met up with Pastor John and Matthew and walked to the checkout. Many jokes were shared about our large number of cookies as the checkout gal scanned our items. I gave her my Genuardi's card, and we got the total. I was quoted a price of $3.99 per 24 cookies, which would have come to about $250 dollars. We also purchased 4 boxes of baggies at $4.99 per box. We were expecting a total of in the ballpark of $300. Instead, our total came to the astonishing price of $29.42. Yes, you read it right. I did not mess up the decimals. On the receipt, it shows that we saved $236.00. God is freaking amazing.

Even though I was standing there when we saw the total, I cannot stop giggling increduously everytime I think about it.

God is awesome. Never doubt it.

Chasing lions

Tonight I did something uncharacteristic. I watched the news. I really detest watching the news because it breaks my heart. As I was sitting, nursing my cold and feeling cold and hot at the same time, I watched my heart melt and break at the same time.

Tonight's feature story was about a yet-unnamed kid who attended Deptford High School (merely a few miles from my house) who led police on a high speed chase, stopped on the Walt Whitman Bridge and jumped. I read a blog written by a girl that I know who sounds so sad, so desparate, so dejected that I began to cry. This is a talented girl. What attracted me to her the first time that we met is that she seemed so sure of her quirky, out of the box self. She was full of life, happy and bringing all kinds of people to the clubhouse for youth. Now she lives in a world where she is continually told what she is not, what she cannot do and she cannot see the forest for the trees. Then I saw a story about a group in Alexandria, VA who are helping disadvantaged kids by teaching them how to build boats and in the process, they are paying the kids, helping them to get their GED's and helping them to get their carpenter licenses. They are giving them fish AND teaching them to fish.

This leads to an ongoing frustration that I have. There is a generation of kids who are falling through the cracks, walking through the cracks, being pushed through the cracks. These kids have mentors--parents, coaches, teachers, pastors, family, friends who are watching them walk away from so many things and not saying a word. Or, worse off, they have a group of mentors who are pushing them into lives that are not their God-given lives to live. I admit, that I have a bit of survivor's guilt in this situation. I was in a situation where I could have stayed. If God had not pushed me out, I would have stayed forever. I could have stayed and helped to walk people through this. I could have stayed and remained silent, trying so hard to be something that I am not. I could have stayed and spoken up for those in the church who do not have voices. But I made the choice to walk. Walking was the best thing that I have done in my life thus far. Walking away led me to a wonderful place that I would not trade for all of the tea in China. I would have given my right arm to be here five years ago. But...it was not time. Now that I am here, I have a place to invite the hurting people in my life. There is a place in which I actually trust the hearts of my friend and family.

I know that it seems that I am continually walking around the same issue. I fear that I will continue to walk around this issue as long as I live. It's not something that I ever want to be too far removed from. I always want to remember from where I've come. I'm glad that I've not been healed without scars, because I always want to know that at one time I hurt, and that there are people hurting all over the world.

Here is my frustration. I am not going to list problems. I will list the solutions as well. The church, specifically in America, needs to rise up and be what God has created it to be. God has created the church to be a place where healing occurs; where dreams are conceived and birthed; where people enter one way and exit another way; where people are encouraged to be who God has created them to be; where people can discover the love the Jesus has for them. Church is not about numbers. Church is about people. Church is about ushering people into a saving relationship with Jesus Christ the Messiah. Why then is the church so busy building carbon copies of itself? I love my pastor to death, but I don't want to be him. I don't want his life. His life is the life that God has designed for him, not for me. He and his wife love each other very much; they have three amazing kids. But...I don't want that life. I want the life that God designed for me...the one He speaks of in Jeremiah 29:11. The awesome thing about my pastor is that he doesn't want me to have his life. He wants me to live out my life the way that God has designed it to be. I know that I've said this before, and you'll hear me say it again and again. The Sanctuary is the way that I always thought church could be but never knew it would be. I have a pastor who has a pastor's heart. Shocking, I know. But he really just wants all of us to grow so that we can all do this thing called life together. I don't have to fit in a mould. I don't know if a mould exists.

So, what am I doing to be a part of the solution of the crisis that is the church in America? For starters, Wednesday I'm participating in a Halloween parade to help a friend launch her salon. On Saturday, I'm packing a bunch of cookies into bags. On Sunday, I'm giving cookies to a bunch of people who want for nothing but need Something, Someone desparately. I'm going to go to seminary to align my opinions with the Word of God. I'm going to surround myself with people, via my church, sermons, teaching tapes who have big ideas, who are chasing lions and not hiding from them, so that I can become the mighty woman of God that I have been called to be. And most of all, I'm going to love people, even those who persecute me, especially those who persecute me.

Anyone care to join in the fight?

Wow

Yesterday was one of those days that I hope that I don't forget for a long time, if ever. Last week I was given something to oversee, something near and dear to my heart. It took a few days before I had the guts to actually make the phone calls that were required. From where did the fear rise up in my belly? I believe that the more accurate question is from whom did the fear rise. It's certainly not from God. It's not his desire that I shrink back in fear from the phone or from someone, a mere mortal, on the other end. I made the call to the Township of Voorhees my church's name touches the ear of the mayor, the township administrator, the deputy chief of police, and the director of economic development/director of park services, all within 24 hours. What is amazing about the whole thing is that they don't know us as a media-whore church. They see us as a church that simply wants to give cookies to kids. They see us as a church that wants to feed the police department to simply say thank you. What they see in us is simply Jesus. Profoundly Jesus. Perhaps they cannot put a name on it. Perhaps they cannot put a label on it. One day they shall.

The gospel is profoundly simple. It is we who complicate things by trying to look smart, to look dapper, to do the right thing. Jesus didn't walk around speaking 3 point sermons to the people who looked like they needed a good pat on the back. Jesus didn't seek out only the poor and destitute that could get his face on the news. Jesus didn't court people to help get his word out. Jesus went around being Jesus, touching those in his path that the Father wanted to touch, and somehow the word got out. Even when He told them to be quiet and tell noone. Proufound. Simple. Mind-blowing. Would I have the integrity to tell someone who was miraculously healed to be quiet, go and tell noone? I hope so. Can I guarantee it? No. I cannot not tell people how awesome God was to me yesterday. I want God's name to be famous throughout this land and the rest of the world. I want everyone who has been touched by God to stand up and shout it from the mountaintops. I want to see His kingdom come on earth as it is in Heaven.

For now, I'll be handing out cookies, next to the cider and hot chocolate guys, serving up sandwiched to the police department. I'll let God handle the rest.

Accomplished

Wow...it didn't occur to me how much I got accomplished yesterday until I was able to talk for nearly an hour about all that happened. It seems that offering to help a community--even by handing out candy--is a mind-blowing experience for the recipient these days. It makes me really happy to be a part of a church whose heart is to serve the community. It makes me really sad that we are original. Why aren't there more people willing to serve the community? Even when I was a kid I think I remember more of a sense of community. Perhaps my vantage point is that of someone who grew up in a town so small that it seems that everyone knows everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. I remember coming home at 2 AM and having my neighbors ask me why I was out so late. Now, I don't even know my neighbors on both sides, let alone to have one of them ask me why I returned home at a certain hour. When did we become so isolated? The world is growing smaller. I can be in China by the end of the day, Australia by tomorrow, but my neighbors elude me. Hmmm...maybe progress isn't always good.

I've been listening to the podcasts from Gordon Conwell. The beginning of the month was Mission Focus Week. A woman by the name of Teri McCarthy spoke. Wow. She's an interesting woman, to say the least. Listening to her life seemed to make sense. Then, to add to the mix, the set of podcasts that I've downloaded from NCC are focused on missions. I didn't intentionally put 7 sermons on missions in my mp3 player. Right now I'm in a place where I am looking to reach out to our community. I'm just trying to apply to seminary so that I can do some good on our soil. Yet, when I listen to these messages, all of a sudden I feel alive again. There are only a few moments on which I can look back and recall the feeling of my heart beating as one with the Father--England, Mexico, Florida, Arizona. I cannot deny the call on my life. Yet I have to live here full time for such a time as this. I have to be here in this moment so that I can do what I've been called to do here. Yet my heart beats to be elsewhere. I suppose this is what we are supposed to feel, to experience. God wants us to be in the world but not of the world. We are to have our mind on heavenly things while keeping ourselves fully focused on where we are. God really could have worked this thing out so that it would be a little simpler.

Oh, to have the faith of a child.

Realization

There is something that happens when you step onto the people mover that leads to your destiny. I understand that destiny is not a destination but the journey. But...there is something profound that occurs in every cell once you realize something that you have been called to do. When I use the word realize, I don't mean that "aha" moment. I mean the aha moment married to an actualy step.

All day I've been walking around with a dopey grin on my face. It's not that I am happy because something has been noticed. I am ecstatic because the deepest desire of my heart is to partner with God. For now, that means walking around a shopping center in one of the financial centers of South Jersey, just saying hello to people. The gospel is really profound in how simple it is. Looking at Jesus' life, His mission was so simple. Smile at the people who are sick and tick off the people who are full of themselves. Wow...for all of my life I thought that I was just a jerk. Here is turns out that I am like Jesus. Haha...ok, maybe it's not so black and white.

For now, I am the goofy looking redhead wearing the grin that literally hurts my face with seltzer for blood. Life could not be better.