Change of address, part deux

Hello! If you are reading this, that means that either 1. you happened upon this blog or 2. you have not yet changed your bookmark. In either case, please take a few moments to change the link to my blog to: deneenwhite.wordpress.com.

I've transferred all of my blogs from blogger to wordpress.

Thanks, and I look forward to seeing you around wordpress!

Transition to new blog

Hello all!

Just wanted to let you know that I am transitioning from blogger to wordpress. I've had technical difficulties for a week or two now on blogger, and I've decided that it is making blogging difficult.

If you have me on your blogroll, please change the address to: http://deneenwhite.wordpress.com

I'll ask you to have some patience with me. My new blog is a work in progress. I cannot move the content of this blog to my new blog because blogger beta does not allow the transfer of data...or perhaps wordpress cannot work with blogger beta. Irregardless, I'm transitioning, and will begin to update consistently on that blog rather than this blog.

FYI--wordpress has a lot of features built into their system that currently require outside programs to be embedded into your blog.

Any questions, ask!

The Ivory Tower

Yesterday I wrote this in response to the 20/20 special that I viewed on Camden. It is my hope and prayer that you read it and digest it.

The ivory tower to which I've resigned
Crumbles around me
Isolation so complete
Silence broken
One story
One face
One city
Brings me to my knees
Heart pierced so deeply
Bleeding
Weeping
Recalling the days
The scents, the energy
Hope restored to a few
Fuels a city
A church
A people
The wails of a mother haunt my mind
Hungry children cry
Desperate for One
One to believe, to encourage
The cancer of complacency
Killed as the tower is destroyed
A raw heart beats
Once again
For a beloved city

© 2007 deneenwhite

Waiting on the world to change

Last night 20/20 reported on the city of Camden, NJ. I didn't want to let my heart go *there,* so I decided to record it to be watched at a later time.

For those of you who do not know, the city of Camden is the poorest city in the US...and about 6 miles from my front door. It had the highest crime rate for several years. In 2006, the crime rate dropped in the city.

The last ministry in which I was involved at The River was Adopt-a-Block. It is their version of what is happening in Los Angeles at the Dream Center. I went every Saturday morning for many months into Pyne Point in North Camden. We cleaned up the streets. We developed relationships with individuals on the block to which we were assigned. Before I left the church, I stepped down from this ministry because of school and other obligations. Leaving the streets of Camden remains one of the most difficult decisions in my life. Perhaps one of my only regrets.

This morning, I watched the story. I have to give credit where credit is due. 20/20 actually objectively reported on the city, and the people of the city. I'm fairly certain that much of the story was shot in Pyne Point...the streets with which I am so familiar. As I watched the story, I smelled the bodegas frying up their food; I heard the scampering feet of the children who would run out of their houses as we arrived, looking for the doughnuts, bagels, bread that we brought with us. I saw the faces of the elderly lady that I visited so often. I remembered laughing at the guys in our group attempting to put up blinds in a house. I chuckled as I heard James tell me that I didn't have to worry in North Philly 'cause "you're a big girl, and guys don't want to mess with no big girl."

Last week as I rode the train through Camden, I teared up. I love that city so much. I love the people of that city. And you know what? I know that God will use me to make a difference in that city. I don't know how. I don't know when. But I know that I know that He will make a way.

If you want to watch the video, you can go to http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=2823563

Friday recap

Wow. What a day.

It amazes me how God works things out. For the past few days, I've been wrestling out my faith...I know that God is God and that His Word is Truth. I've not lost hope in the Lord. But I've lost hope in so many other things. An example is the job that had eluded me for so long.

Today I woke up and had a thirst for the Word...specifically Romans. Yesterday God did a lot of personal heart work dealing with some really deep heart issues...it was a one on one kind of day, just my Father, my Savior, the Holy Spirit and me. Today, He followed up with a dose of the Word. Romans really challenged me...and the way that I see church, and the way that I see God.

A passion for the lost has been reawakened in me. A passion for the simplicity of the Gospel. I love delving into the deeper things of God, but God forbid I forget the One who allows me to walk forth with boldness to the throne of God and make my requests known.

I am so thankful that God has provided this job for me. I know that the job in Voorhees makes a lot more sense to the natural eye--the location, the potential money, the location--in terms of where God has called me to minister. But God knows my heart. He knows that as much as I love Voorhees, I feel truly alive when I walk the streets of Philadelphia. He knows that I love learning about other cultures. He knows what the growth pattern of this company is, and He knows my future. So, I thank Him for giving me the desire of my heart, which I have asked Him to do. I thank Him for giving me an opportunity to get to know the Korean culture, which is fascinating. And more than anything, I thank Him for giving me life. I thank Him for being Him.

Quotable family moments in the past few days.

I love my family. Seriously I do.

This morning Nick and I had a conversation about God.

"What does He look like, Neen-Neen?"
"Well, Nick, I don't know. The only person whose seen God face to face is Moses."
"You said that God looks like all of us."
"You're right Nick. We all have God's fingerprint on us, so looking at people gives us an idea of what God looks like."
"Daddy says you're a liar. We don't all look like God."
"Well, Nick your daddy is wrong. The Bible says God made us in His image (I read the scripture to him)."
"Neen-Neen, is that book true?"
"Yes, Nick, it is the Truth."
"OK."

So, now we all know what my brother-in-law is saying about me. Nice stuff, eh?

I'm all sorts of excited about my job, and my response has been...well, underwhelming.

"Wow. Good. That's the job in Voorhees, right?" -Denette, sister of the employed.
"Oh, mein schatz. I'm so excited. Now you can chip a little into the house and your father won't have it all on his shoulders." _Oma, grandmother of the employed.
"You do know that you'll have to pay city wage tax, right?" -Mother of the employed. (In mom's defense, she said this a few days ago.)

It's a good thing that I've been buried in the book of Romans today people. Seriously.

i have a job

Guess what, people!

I HAVE A JOB!!!!!!!!!

I was just offered a job with Osstem, and I accepted. Osstem is a Korean company that sells dental implants. I will be working in Rittenhouse Square in Philadelphia. Watch out Philly, here I come!!!!! So yeah...I'm gainfully employed. Or I will be on February 12th. Can you tell that I'm just a little bit excited?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Heart issues

Today I've been wrestling out some pretty deep heart issues. There are things that I've been carrying around for a long time. Yesterday I read an article that triggered some stuff that runs deep.

Some desires seems inconsistent with other desires. Some issues I thought weren't "important" it turns out are of the utmost importance. Some things that I thought were important are just blips on a screen.

What am I saying? Paradigms are shifting. Fear of God is the beginning of wisdom, and to fear God properly, I've had to learn what faith is. I suppose that there has been a crisis of faith going on within me for the past few days. Noone I know has a terminal disease. Noone I know has died suddenly. I believe more today than I did yesterday that God is God, that He is sovereign, omnipotent, omnipresent. The crisis of which I speak has involved me wrestling out my desires, trying to make heads or tails of them. The resolution to which I've come is this: I can't figure it out. I'm not God. And I have to be okay with that.

Am I? *chuckles* Being a control freak who wants everything planned out to the milisecond, not so much. Am I willing to learn to be okay with that? Yes.

Faith lessons

There is a theme running through my life at the moment. It is a little something that I like to call faith. God is taking key situations in my life and rebuilding the woman of faith that I once was. He is re-educating me on what faith is...what it tastes like, smells like, feels like. I relinquished the gift of faith one day...I could take you the exact spot where I gave it away...but I won't.

As you may or may not know, I've been applying for jobs. Lots of jobs. Big jobs. Small jobs. Jobs in the medical industry. Jobs in the mortgage industry. Heck, I even applied to be an administrative assistant for a floor company. All of the jobs have one thing in common. I would be comfortable. I know that I can do all of the jobs for which I have applied. I'm intelligent. I learn quickly. I have an aptitude for a myriad of subjects and jobs. I say this not to sound boastful. I know who I am and I know that whatever I do, I do well. In all of those jobs, I'd be financially ok. Not great...but good enough. Are you picking up what I'm putting down?

Last week, completely off-the-cuff, I apply for a job at a mortgage company in Voorhees, mentioned in my previous blog post. I didn't expect a call...I expected crickets. So, when I received the phone call on Monday, I was cautiously optimistic, 'cause I've been here before.

The interview went well, from what I could tell. We talked for about an hour. The job will be challenging, interesting and something new. I would be an AA for a few months while learning to process mortgages. The company is laid back--as long as you are doing your work. Two young guys are the owners. They are excelling in their industry, but they maintain a good sense of self, of family. I was told today that family comes first, then work. Wow. For the mortgage industry, that is almost blasphemy.

Where am I going with this? A few years ago, I made a decision to leave a job. A good job. Over the years, I wrestled with shame. Inevitably, every person asks, "Why would you leave such a good job?" With the financial ramificaions of my decision, I ask that question more often than anyone can imagine. But, whenever I ask the "why" God always brings me back to the same scripture in Joel 2:25-26:

25“I'll make up for the years of the locust,the great locust devastation-Locusts savage, locusts deadly,fierce locusts, locusts of doom,That great locust invasionI sent your way.26You'll eat your fill of good food.You'll be full of praises to your GOD,The God who has set you back on your heels in wonder.Never again will my people be despised. (The Message)

I left my job, which was a safe, secure job, to swim in water with some fierce sharks, to have all that I owned eaten by locusts. The job for which I interviewed today would be God restoring what the locusts have stolen...this job would be a financial blessing unlike anything I would have asked God for. This job would teach me to make lucrative tents...anywhere in the US.

It is not my desire to be blessed so that I can gather up a bunch of things. The desire of my heart is to be blessed by God in every capacity so that I can be a blessing to my family, my church, my community. My hands have been tied--willingly--to bring me to this point. I feel like a race horse in the starting gate. I know that the race is about to begin, but I am held back, awaiting the sound of the starter pistol and the raising of the gates.

So, if you could, would pray for me, it would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

Interview

Today i have a job interview with a mortgage company in Voorhees. The office is less than a mile away from the Ritz Movie Theaters (where The Sanctuary meets every Sunday) and less than a mile away from the Voorhees Twp. Municipal offices.

I've been praying for a job for over seven months now. Since October, I've been praying not for a specific job, but for a specific location. Because one of my functions to is maintain relationships with different people in the township, I want to be local to Voorhees.

Any job I take can be likened to Paul making tents. It paid the bills, but was certainly not his passion. I'm sure he made fantastic tents, just like I'll be a fantastic administrative assistant.

So, please pray. Pray for God's will...for the door that He wants to open to be opened. For His favor. For me not to tell the interviewer that I was a disappointment to a previous employer. 'll never allow myself to live that one down!!!!!

Lion and the Lamb

I'm obsessed with sports. Seriously obsessed. After my team lost on Sunday, I immediately changed the channel to ESPN2 to watch the Australian Open.

One thing that I've noticed as of late is the eyes of the athletes. More to the point, the eyes of the champions, the winners, those who have "it" in them to win it all. I heard a sports announcer say about Tom Brady: "He is a pretty boy with the heart of a lion. He'll smile at you and then tear out your heart." Please note that is a very loose translation of what was said.

Last night I watched Serena Williams duke it out with Peer for a spot in the semi-finals of the Atustralian Open. Peer is an Israeli and serving in the army. The look in Williams' eyes would stop any man ten times her size in his tracks.

So what does this have to do with the price of rice in China, you ask? There is something about the intensity of sports that I love. I love the preparation, the strategy, the energy of sports. I'm not an athlete (by far) but I love competition. I love to fight for something in which I believe. I love to win.

How does this translate to my life? This weekend at the women's retreat, God spoke something to me. He told me that in order to be successful in ministry, I must possess the tenacity of a lion and the gentleness of a lamb. Jesus did. He's known as the Lion of Judah and the Lamb of God.

Terrific Kid

Today my niece Isabella got an award from the Kiwanis Club in Woodbury. (She's the one in the front of the picture.) She was named one of her school's Terrific Kids. The Kiwanis honor two children from each grade who help in the classroom, who do their homework, who add to the overall community of the school. I had the opportunity to attend the ceremony.

I have to admit. When I left the house, I had a bit of an attitude. It's not that I don't love the kids, but one would think that their parents would make an effort to attend these events.

But, I got to thinking. Let's be honest. I don't know if I'm ever going to have kids. I don't know if I'm ever going to get married. (This is not a pity-me post...I'm fine with not getting married and not having kids if that is what God would prefer.) But I have the opportunity to be a part of my niece and nephews' lives on a daily level. What other aunt goes to every little league game, choir and band concert, kindergarten graduation, pre-school plays? Not too many.

As I was walking home, God reminded me of this scripture in Isaiah 54:1.
"Sing, O barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,"
says the LORD.

Looking at my life, I do have more children than just about anyone who has given birth. It is a privilege to know so many people, and to love them as I do.

So, I am the aunt to three Terrific Kids, even though only one received the official honor this month. And I count myself blessed!