Friday recap

Wow. What a day.

It amazes me how God works things out. For the past few days, I've been wrestling out my faith...I know that God is God and that His Word is Truth. I've not lost hope in the Lord. But I've lost hope in so many other things. An example is the job that had eluded me for so long.

Today I woke up and had a thirst for the Word...specifically Romans. Yesterday God did a lot of personal heart work dealing with some really deep heart issues...it was a one on one kind of day, just my Father, my Savior, the Holy Spirit and me. Today, He followed up with a dose of the Word. Romans really challenged me...and the way that I see church, and the way that I see God.

A passion for the lost has been reawakened in me. A passion for the simplicity of the Gospel. I love delving into the deeper things of God, but God forbid I forget the One who allows me to walk forth with boldness to the throne of God and make my requests known.

I am so thankful that God has provided this job for me. I know that the job in Voorhees makes a lot more sense to the natural eye--the location, the potential money, the location--in terms of where God has called me to minister. But God knows my heart. He knows that as much as I love Voorhees, I feel truly alive when I walk the streets of Philadelphia. He knows that I love learning about other cultures. He knows what the growth pattern of this company is, and He knows my future. So, I thank Him for giving me the desire of my heart, which I have asked Him to do. I thank Him for giving me an opportunity to get to know the Korean culture, which is fascinating. And more than anything, I thank Him for giving me life. I thank Him for being Him.

Breakfast

What do you get when you put a Lutheran, a Wiccan, a lone ranger Christian, a Unitarian and an evangelical at a table? Breakfast at my house the day after Thanksgiving. Yes...it was interesting.

Yesterday we avoided the hot-button topics. We were on guard. When my grandmother declared that she can't stand Billy Graham because "he preaches at her" we pretended not to hear and moved forward. We didn't even make fun of her, which was tough.

Today we walked in full throttle. Here is the list of characters:

• My aunt's boyfriend is a Lutheran. He believes in "high church" and thinks that anything that does not have a liturgical book is "entertainment Christianity."
• My aunt prays to the great spirit. At one point she declared herself a wiccan.
• My mother has been hurt by the church (and vicariously through my hurts from the church) and believes that "as long as you have the Holy Spirit" you are fine.
• My father believes that all religions are the same and essentially "we all pray to the same god."
• I believe that if you call upon the name of Jesus and repent for your sins, then you are saved.

How can one person address so many issues sitting at a table when the other four people are ready to pounce in unity? Well, I did what any decent person would do. I walked away. Noone at that table was ready to listen to any point that I would have made, let alone concede the point. Frankly, I'm the only person with whom I could have had a constructive conversation was with Paul, the Lutheran. But it was not the right time.

You see, there are much deeper heart issues to all of these ideologies (mine included) that cannot be discussed productively in a group setting. When I walked away, God showed me some of the issues. Once again, He's given me the tools...the issues through which I can pray for each individual. Instead of engaging in a fruitless battle, I was given the weapons, not made of flesh and blood, with which to fight.

In short, God is awesome. That is one thing that has not changed. Thank you God for being the same yesterday, today and forever.

Thanksgiving wrap-up

Well, the dishes are clean. The family is tucked away safely in bed. Relatives are on their way home. The Cowboys kicked some butt. All in all, today was a successful Thanksgiving. It certainly did not feel like Thanksgiving, except for the feeling that my stomach gets when I've eaten "just a little taste" of everything.

This morning, a nerve was touched that runs so deeply that I got angry. My niece got all dressed up to go shopping with my father. He was so focused on getting to the store that he saw how her pretty dress would make it difficult for her to get into the truck rather than how pretty she looked in the dress. When I was a kid, all I wanted was for him to tell me how pretty I am. Instead, I got encouraged to go outside and "get some fresh air" or to get up at 0645 to play tennis. It's not that I think that my father doesn't love me. I know he does.

So, this morning, I got really upset with my father. I had flashes of everytime I wanted someone to tell me that I'm lovely and I was left wonting. So, I had a choice. I could remain in my anger, or I could recognize that this nerve had been touched so that God could heal it. I wish I could say my knee jerk reaction was to run to His arms and ask Him for healing. It wasn't. It took a few minutes. When I did run to my Father's arms, He reminded me of His word. My King finds me enthralling, beautiful, lovely. My Father smiles when He thinks of me, He sings over me with dancing, He chuckles at my humor. My Father, the Lover of my soul, finds me enthralling. It is in that security that I rest. Not in the opinion of man. In the opinion of the Creator of the heavens and the earth.

So, added to my list of things for which to be thankful is this. Emotional growth.

Feliz Dia de Gracias

Thanksgiving is in full swing here at the White house. Today we did the bulk of the cooking so that tomorrow we can relax and enjoy the day. I cooked turkey and pork roast in the rain on the grill. It was AWESOME! I love to grill, and cooking on a charcoal grill in the rain presents a challenge...you have to get the lid off, check the food, add the coals and shut the lid before the rain extinguishes the heat. I get an adrenaline rush just thinking about it. I'm a goober. I admit it openly to all who ask.

The family converges tomorrow afternoon. My aunt is not traveling from MA, so that will take a bit of the tension out of the air. I plan on having an amazing day and loving my family...for their idiosyncrasies, for their odd opinions, for their originality. If it gets too difficult, I'm going to plug my mp3 player into my head and be reminded that patience is a fruit of the Spirit, and that I have to show that fruit to my family.

I'm thankful that I am where I am today. God has brought me so far. At times I have to remember how far He's brought me. I tend to look at where I have to go.

I'm thankful for the friends and family that have stuck by my side through the good times and the terrible times.

I'm thankful that God is breaking an addiction that I have had since fifth grade.

I'm thankful that God has chosen The Sanctuary to be my home church for this time. I love this place. I appreciate my pastors pushing through my doubt and anxiety. I appreciate that they see in me what I've known was there. I appreciate that I am allowed to be me, not a round peg in a square hole.

I'm thankful that God is who He says He is in the Bible...He's proving Himself day after day after day. I can't imagine where I'd be without Him.