Penny for your thoughts

You know that you are an avid blogger when people call to make sure that you are ok after a day of silence :-)

I've been trying to process things that are being thrown at me right now. I'm scared to prayer right now. I'd been taught that prophesy should be confirmation, not information. Over the years, I've had several people speak things prophetically into my life that I dismissed because they were things that I had not yet discovered about myself. Lately, however, those words have brought back to the forefront of my memory. And God has been expanding on them.

I've always had a dream of traveling the world, preaching the gospel on every continent. What I never thought of, until recently, was what would fill the time between trips. Obviously, it won't be a typical 9-5 job. I am invested in what is going on in NJ. I love where I am and what I'm doing. I'm learning the practical, day to day stuff that they don't teach you in seminary, or in any classroom.

The amazing thing for me is that with every church I've attended, I've learned different facets of ministry. At one church, I learned the ministering part--how to pray for people, how to teach. At another church, I was taught the administrative stuff...how to run the office, how to be the front person, the armor bearer, how to play the political game of church life, how to prepare for and execute mission trips. Now I'm learning the establishment part of church--how to get out in the community and make a difference.

It has been my desire for a long time to go to different places and plant churches. There have been people who I allowed to speak into my life who tried to kill that desire, for whatever reason. But now, that desire is coming forth again.

I looked at the list of people whose blogs I read regularly. With few exceptions, I am drawn to the church planters, to innovators. Even in my professional life, the jobs in which I have excelled have been those in which I was constantly mobile, creating something out of nothing. So, I suppose that I must move from the place of denial to a place of freedom to be me.

There aren't exactly a multitude of examples for me to follow, being a woman. One of my friends is a Methodist pastor. She's told me that many of the male pastors in town don't speak to her. I understand the thoughts behind a woman as a lead pastor. Being a woman, I don't know that I would attend a church that has a woman as the lead pastor. As a matter of fact, I won't work for a woman because of my experiences with many different female bosses.

So, I find myself in a precarious position right now. And the reason I was silent yesterday is because this is a subject through which I have been wrestling and will continue to wrestle.

A penny for your thoughts...

Seminary

Wow. I'm not even registered for seminary--they keep sending me emails that I have yet to submit transcripts (that they are requesting for me) and I already have an email address and an advisor.

I was at Temple for three years and did not have an advisor.

Either I'm breaking out in the chicken pox or hives. And I'm laughing nervously.

Wow. This is really happening.

Seminary...once again

Well, I've been conditionally accepted to Liberty. Yesterday I received an email (on New Year's Day) saying that I could begin taking classes because they've received my application.

Today, however, I received an email from my admissions dude saying that they did not receive about 2/3 of my paperwork...umimportant things like transcript requests, the seminary questionaire. You know...papers that have my social security number on them. Hopefully it's merely an oversight on his part.

Edit: They have received all of the papers. It helps to check voicemail, eh?

So, I'm going to seminary folks. I am really excited. The more I look at the classes I have to take, and the number of classes I have to take, I'm getting a bit overwhelmed.

Lord, I surrender all to You. Even school.

Anxiety vs. Truth

This morning I woke up anxious. Anxious because I'm not in Hammonton, working at my friend's salon. Anxious because I'm still not feeling 100%, heck even 75% better from this cold. Anxious because I need to find a job. Anxious because I've taken the first step toward seminary and now the "reality" of it is setting in.

So, I open up my gmail box, and this is what I find.

So let us seize and hold fast and retain without wavering the hope we cherish and confess and our acknowledgement of it, for He Who promised is reliable (sure) and faithful to His word. Hebrews 10:23. (Amplified Bible)

Apparently God was not surprised because I woke up anxious. He has things under control. My problem right now is that I don't. But, like I said, that is my problem. Not God's. Mine.

My responsibility? That is another thing. My responsibility is found in Matthew 6:33-34.

But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides. So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble. (Amplified Bible)

So, God has everything under control. My job is to recognize this, walk in this, and live this out. Interesting concept for a control freak. But, I have to also remember what Jesus said in John 15:16:

You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you and I have appointed you [I have planted you], that you might go and bear fruit and keep on bearing, and that your fruit may be lasting [that it may remain, abide], so that whatever you ask the Father in My Name [as presenting all that I AM], He may give it to you. (Amplified Bible)

You see, I didn't choose this life. Yes, I'm choosing to walk out the dreams that God has for my life. I'm choosing to walk this thing out in faith. But it is Jesus who has called me. And where He gives the vision, He gives the provision.

I do believe that, for the first time in a while, I'm scared senseless. And I couldn't be more full of joy.

Nevermind my churning stomach. :-)

Seminary

Well, kids. I did it. I applied to seminary. The application and the check are in the mail.

Liberty University. So that I can live in NJ and study via distance learning.

I actually did it.