Did that really happen?

Yesterday I spent the day completely nervous, wondering if, once again, my heart would be crushed into a thousand little piece and my vision scoffed. I walked out of my pastors' house wanting to pinch myself to make sure that I hadn't been dreaming. I can't imagine life not where I am at the moment. I can't imagine having a pastor who...

My mom and I were debriefing about my meeting. She asked me how my meeting went. I began by telling her how afraid I was...so much so that I cleaned the house from top to bottom and didn't eat. Two miracles...haha...mental note to self...must stop self depricating humor. We discussed my track record with pastors...one could not remember my name to save his life; one told me that if I wanted to go into ministry that I should become a nurse. One told me that I should be a teacher, a lawyer. I understand now why he wanted me to become a lawyer, but that is a whole other story. *snickers* So, a few weeks ago I completely bombarded my pastor with the news that I wanted to go to seminary, that I wanted to go to Gordon Conwell, that I was leaving in a few months. I was expecting rejection, so I dropped the bomb, told him to have a good week and literally RAN out of church. Joshua would have been proud.

Back to last night. I went to John and Beth's house, and had coffee with them. We (the THREE of us, 'cause she's allowed to be a part of this stuff) talked about vision, passions, likes, dislikes. We talked about the past, the present, the future. Long-term and short-term ideas. How to reach out to our community. Not how to draw people to a church location, but how to reach the community with absolutely no strings attached. We discussed some of the greatest church planters of our time. We talked about church explosion and the vision of the church. I told them that I am dying to get my hands dirty...I seriously cannot stand sitting on the sidelines any longer. So, after our discussion, I got offered something. I am going to oversee our outreach to our community. They asked me what title I wanted. I laughed and told them that I really don't need a title. Pastor John kind of laughed and said of course you need a title. So, I am now a ministry liasion. How 007! I'm getting cards and everything.

There is an element of irony here. When I was at my last church, I wanted, asked, almost begged them to see me, to give me an identity, a marker to let me know what I was, what my role was. I nearly got on my knees and grovelled for validation. Over the past year, any desire for title has been more than killed. It has been cremated. Beth looked at me and said, "You know, there is no room for ego in ministry. But I don't think that we have to worry about that with you." I smiled and nodded. How can I have too much ego? I live at home with my parents; I graduated from college but cannot find a job; I'm 31 and I drive my mom's minivan; I've had my name dragged through the mud among friend and foe alike. I've been a little humbled over the past year or two. I don't wear my process like a badge, but it is something that has been seared into the fabric of my being.

Be on the lookout, Voorhees. Deneen, Ministry Liasion is coming to a business near you to get to know you, to love you, to bring you cool stuff, like pens. You don't have to do anything in return. A smile would be nice, but I won't even ask that of you.

Oh yeah...I also think that I've perhaps found a piece of my voice in the greater conversation that is occuring.