Thursday, September 29, 2005

Today is a great day

Today is a great day. It is great to see that a man of integrity has been placed in the great halls of justice on the Supreme Court. It is the first time in a long time that I have been excited and proud of my government, the government that I have taken part in electing.

A great battle is occuring right now. I had an amazing lunch today followed by hell. I went to pick up my sister's kids from school, and they staged a mutiny on the way home. My niece was exasperated because we were not walking home. To appease her, I allowed her to sit in the front seat. While I was walking from the passenger side to the driver's side, she taunted her brother. This resulted in a temper tantrum unlike I've seen from in quite a while. Then I came home to find my cousin on the computer and on the phone. I told her to pick a form of communication and stick to it, after which she told the person on the other end of the phone that I am a bitch. I was appalled and so angry that I was shaking. I went into the bedroom to put out the fire that began burning while I drove the kids home...and peace ensued. As I walked by my cousin, I told her that I wanted to talk to her when she got off the phone, and I went into my bedroom.

Well, a few minutes later, she disappeared. Last week, she allegedly tried to commit suicide. I say allegedly because she was not kept in the hospital for observation, which raises a red flag in my mind when someone swallows an entire bottle of pills. So, needless to say, after about an hour, my mother is getting concerned. I wasn't all that concerned as she knows that she is in a stable environment and that we love her unconditionally. She is not going off to kill herself here, because she has a lot of positive attention. She came home about 2 hours later, pissed off, not talking to anyone, calling people telling them how awful I am, and claiming that she wanted to go home.

I took her out for coffee, and we talked. The problem is that she is a pathological liar. She cannot keep her lies straight. So, she told me one story and told about 10 people other stories. I don't really know what is going on, but I do know (or hope) that she is not plotting to kill me as I sleep. That is a step forward. I think that she is going to be here for a while. My family is learning to set boundaries, and she is learning to live within said boundaries. My family is now set in two camps: the camp that sees me as the aggressor, arrogantly setting boundaries for a kid who has never lived within boundaries and the camp that sees me as the victim of a kid who is very angry and who is unlovable. I see myself as neither. Sometimes people who attempt suicide need nurturing. This kid needs tough love. She needs to know that there is someone who sees through her lies and deception and manipulation, will call her on it, and loves her unconditionally. I do not pull the wool over people's eyes. I do not tell you what you want to hear to make you feel good. I tell the truth, encased in love, so that you can get healthy. I loathe people who tell me what they think I want to hear to make me feel good. That is BS with which I will not deal.

I am moving to the Boston area on October 15, my dad's 52nd birthday. My birthday present to him is moving on with my life, moving toward my destiny. I desperately need to get out of NJ. There is nothing here for me. It is so time to move on that it is embarassing. I have an interview set up for the 17th. Oh yeah...I've purchased a one way ticket. There is no coming home, unless I am making money and can afford to come home. This is a do or die situation. And I plan on doing and being successful.

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