Sunday, November 05, 2006

I feel the weight of your displeasure, but I do not know what has brought us to this point...again. I'm trying to understand the workings of you brain, of you feelings, of your emotions, but how am I supposed to grasp something that you will not communicate? I want to live in peace, not in enmity. I want to live life to the fullest. I want to walk the walk that I am talking. Is this what displeases you?

This is my declaration. I am going to walk forward, forgetting what is behind. I am striving toward the goal, which is to be more like Jesus. I'm not looking for your approval. I'm not looking for your admiration. I'm not looking for your commendation. The approval, admiration, commendation for which I seek comes from above, not from this earth. So, I'm sorry if I'm not meeting your unspoken expectation. Heck, I'm sorry if I'm not meeting your spoken expectation.

Hebrews 12:22-23 says, "You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven." Though my family may treat me as the red-headed step child, the black sheep, the one of whom they are ashamed, my Father in heaven reminds me that He loves me, that He has chosen me, that I am His first and foremost. On this will I stand. Forever and ever.

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